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Life Lessons


Life Lesson #48: Peers

The effect of peer expectations

People?s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group - Author unknown

This quote struck me as powerfully simple while listening to a successful speaker on optimal living. When analyzing this quote, the most important word to emphasize is expectations. The power of the quote is not just that people?s lives are a direct reflection of their peer group. Rather, it?s that people?s lives directly reflect the expectations of their peer group. As I?ve stopped to reflect on my own peer group and the vastly different people that I choose to spend my time with, the important factor to recognize is not the car they drive, the clothes they wear or the language they use. Rather, it is the expectations they have for their own lives that determine the type of influence they will have on me. Do they strive to be the best at what they do? Are they looking to serve others and a greater purpose? Do they accept mediocrity? Knowing the answers to these questions helps me to understand the type of effect they are having on my own life and helps to determine how much time I should choose to spend with them. Using this information, the goal is to select and maintain a peer group that will consistently push me to step up to challenges, relentlessly bounce back from defeats, and continuously move forward into growth.

It?s important that we educate our youth about the real effect that our peers? expectations can have. The true teaching point is to draw the connection between the expectations of a friend or peer, with the life experiences of the youngster. Does this person cause me to play down to a level below my capabilities? or push me to perform at a higher level? Understanding the effect that these peers (and their own expectations) have upon our own lives, we can purposely select individuals that have champion-level self-expectations and will directly enhance our own lives in a positive way. We are in complete control over which peers we spend most of our quality time with!


WHEN PEER GROUPS ARE SELECTED FOR YOU - TEAMS
In team settings, the expectation level of individual athletes is critical to team performance. Because athletes cannot select their teammates, it is important to recognize the influence that adult leaders can have in actively forming the collective expectations of a group. Through their own actions and behaviors, team parents, coaches and managers can help to establish a peak performance expectation level among the young players. Imagine the different player and parent experiences associated with two different teams, full of people with drastically different expectations:

  • Team A: Manager sincerely expects a winning season, holds himself and his fellow volunteer coaches to a consistent practice schedule, and the team arrives on time, dressed and prepared, for each and every event. Athletes take the field with energy, cheer on their teammates and sprint on and off the field.
  • Team B: Manager is indifferent to winning and losing, coaches and parents consistently arrive late for practice, and the team dresses sloppily, forgets equipment at home and searches for ways to waste time. Athletes lazily walk to their positions, compare snacks and batting gloves during time spent in the dugout and rarely run out pop-flies.
It is not difficult to imagine the vastly different experience that the members of these two teams will have, or to predict which team might experience more success. A manager has a heavy influence on creating the expectations of his or her team?s athletes. If they can assist three or four influential athletes to raise their own expectation levels, the rest of the players will inevitably follow suit (consciously or unconsciously). On a team of players with the expectations of champions, there will simply be nothing less than that accepted - each team member will play (or live) up to those expectations. The question, ?Should I stay for extra ground balls?? or ?Do I want to hit another round of batting practice?? becomes very easy to answer. If Pat, Ryan and Alex are all staying, you most certainly are going to do so as well. In this case, the members of Team A will grow more as athletes and individuals as a direct result of their peer group?s expectations.


WHEN YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR PEER GROUP
If you want to raise your level of play, surround yourself with the hardest working, most successful athletes you can find. If your peers expect a lot out of themselves, you will naturally put forth amazing efforts to live up to your own similar expectations. Likewise, if your peers are generally accepting of mediocre performance and not looking to grow and improve, you will inevitably live to those low expectations. Choose your peers, and put yourself in a group of people that force you to play to a higher level.

The challenge is to actively and consciously pursue opportunities to surround yourself with people that have far greater expectations than your own. Would a tennis player?s game improve if he played with Roger Federer on a daily basis? Would a skateboarder?s balance and technique improve if he skated with Tony Hawk every day? Very simply put ? YES! But what if I cannot realistically find a group of experts to surround myself with as peers on a daily basis? Again, notice that the quote?s author puts an emphasis on the expectations of their peer group. Meaning, not everyone can hang out in a circle of Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan and Derek Jeter. But we most certainly can strive to surround ourselves with people that expect the world of each other and will directly or indirectly push themselves to perform.

Interestingly enough, the same teachers responsible for this quote explain that if you?re expectations are higher than your peers, your peers will aim bring you down (subconsciously or not) because they don?t want you to leave them behind. Can you remember a time when your friends poked fun at you for working hard, not ?hanging out? or relaxing enough? They attack because they know that they should be working hard as well, pushing, progressing, growing. Since they don?t want to feel guilty or lazy for not doing so, they attempt to hold you back and bring you down to their level. No one wants to be lonely, the teachers explain, there?s comfort in numbers and you are an important number!

From my own studies and life experiences, I?ve learned that this sometimes means making some tough decisions as to where you spend your time. I don?t believe this means that you have to completely cut off certain friends that have less-than-average expectations. However, this might mean that instead of seeing these people on a weekly basis, you might end up seeing them monthly or every couple of months. From another perspective, I?ve learned that I need to proactively go out of my way to make sure I?m surrounding myself with people that have greater expectations that my own. The idea of putting yourself in the presence of others that will push you in ways that you cannot do on your own is the reason why people join leadership, professional or volunteer groups. In my own life, I?ve taken some time to reflect upon which peers really, really push me and then found ways to have contact with them on a regular basis. The time spent with these peers, even if just sitting and listening, stokes the fire within me to live to impeccable expectations.

It?s funny to see how consistent the truths of philosophy and life are. Whether you are 14 or 41, you inevitably are a product of the crew that you run with. If you hang out with a group of graffiti artists and thieves? it?s not crazy to think that you might start tagging or stealing yourself. If you spend your time living and working with straight-A students or award-winning teachers, it?s reasonable to assume that your GPA or quality of lesson plan would rise accordingly. At Lifeletics, we?ve found that our young athletes truly enjoy being pushed, responding positively to the idea of being challenged. They see challenge as competition, and competition brings a smile to even the most passive of young athlete. It is our responsibility to encourage the young athlete to continually push into uncomfortable challenges. As we help to point out the significance of the expectations of their peers, and then encourage time spent with a peer group above their own expectations, our young athletes can work to do something everyday to raise their own standards above and beyond those of their peer group.

- Live like a champion!


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